Falling Stars Read online

one.” He sighed, his shoulders visibly slumping. “You’re dismissed, Captain.”

  “Thank you, sir.” I saluted and left his office, starting down the hall to my quarters, where I’d drop off the file while I requisitioned gear. Dammit! Demar. Why Demar? Why this unit? Dammit. If I really do lose them, this’ll be the time it happens! I almost stopped short in the hallway as pain hit me--I hadn’t expected it to hurt like that, thinking about losing the Iron Vipers, and Lucian and Connor with them. It wasn’t that I hadn’t expected it to hurt, just not like this. After all, I’d already come to terms with losing Connor and Lucian, five years ago, and I’d been alone for years already--why should now be different?

  I came to terms with losing Connor and Lucian then, and being alone, but in the deepest, darkest corner of my heart where I lock away the things I don’t want to feel, I know that I don’t want the life I’m living. I want my Luc back. I don’t want the distance I’ve tried to maintain, the distance that I’ve been allowing to slip. I want my brother back. I want to live life--I don’t want to watch it march past me. I want friends again, people who care about me. I want to be afraid again--afraid to die, afraid to lose people around me. I want emotional attachments again. I want to be afraid of losing again, not of failing, but of losing.

  I slumped against the door to my quarters as the thought hit me. Me, afraid?

  I’m already afraid. I’m afraid of losing. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of losing this team, of letting them down.

  I’m afraid of losing my friends.

  I had never quite thought of the Iron Vipers like that before--as my friends rather than as people I just happened to work with. But they were my friends. Somehow, somewhere along the line, they’d crossed the line I’d drawn in the sand between being colleagues and being friends. I cared about these people. I didn’t want them to die, and not just because of my reputation and career. I wanted them to live because I’d become part of them, and they had become a part of me. After five years of being alone, it came as quite a shock for me to realize that for the past several months, I’d hardly been alone at all--well, maybe not a shock to realize it, but a shock that I’d finally gotten the guts to admit it to myself. Wouldn’t Connor be proud of me? I squeezed my eyes shut and exhaled a long breath. Now wasn’t the time, though, not for any of it. I’d deal with it all after the mission was over. First, we had to survive Demar. Then Connor and I could talk...maybe. I wasn’t sure.

  I composed myself and headed off to requisition the supplies I’d said I would. After that and arranging for the supplies to be delivered to the Vipers’ dropship, I went back to my quarters and got ready to go. Reading over the mission specifics, it seemed pretty cut and dry. Simple scouting run for the Vipers--they were to gather more intelligence, possibly attempt to disrupt communications or supply lines if the opportunity presented itself, and then get the hell out of Dodge. It wasn’t a hard mission. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have even worried about it. But the destination was Demar, and Demar ate units alive.

  My mission prep didn’t change, though. I still followed my routine. The ship and supplies were ready to go by the time Connor and Maryanne arrived, toting more supplies. Both made eye contact with me while I was doing my final checks of the ship as they boarded and started to stow gear. I offered them a tight smile and continued my work. Connor appeared at my shoulder before too long.

  “So. Demar, huh?”

  He nodded grimly. “We don’t know what to think. Usually they’d pass us up for recon. But since it’s Demar, we have to go.”

  I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Any other place and I’d not be taking you there. I don’t want this run, Connor, I really don’t.”

  “It’s our job, Cat.”

  “I know it is,” I said quietly. “That’s why I’m doing it. I’m scared to death, though.”

  He looked at me. “Of failing?”

  I shook my head. “No. Of losing you guys.” I punched a few controls. “You’d better get going. Kir’s going to want you there for his little pre-boarding pep talk.”

  His face was reflected in the viewport. He smiled at me, weakly, and patted my shoulder before he turned and disembarked. Through the viewport, I watched him hook up with Maryanne and walk toward where the rest of the Iron Vipers were massing around Kiros Winchester, the only commanding officer they’d ever had. They were all there, among them, my fiancée, standing next to his commanding officer, smiling grimly at the men and women he called his friends. I could only hope that all the Iron Vipers would come home from this one alive.

  6

  The waiting was always the worst part. There’s nothing to do but sit and watch the stars and wait, either for the emergency extraction call, or for the timer to hit zero, meaning it’s time to go pick up the troops. Waiting is the worst part. There had been no call for an emergency extraction, so I hoped that meant things were going well. I was just left to sit and watch the counter tick down the final seconds, then hit zero.

  When the counter did hit zero, I got underway after than I ever had before. I was totally on the ball, focusing on everything I needed to do to pick up the Iron Vipers and bring them safely home.

  I guided the dropship through the atmosphere along one of the variant flight paths I was allowed to take, setting down, eventually, in a sandy and grassy depression near a cliff side. Within moments of my setting down and getting prepped to open up the hatches and let the squad in, the men and women of the Iron Vipers came tumbling down into the depression. I quickly cycled the hatches open. The Vipers never stopped running. They filled the dropship and Kiros slapped the control to close and lock down all the hatches. “Cat, take off!”

  I didn’t bother with any sort of head count as I started lifting. Behind me, Connor spoke, almost panicked. “Kir, you said we’d regroup and --”

  “That was before they nailed Liv and Jack, Connor. Sit your ass down.” I’d never heard Kiros Winchester be quite that forceful before. Shit, what’s going on?

  “Respectfully, sir, it’s our duty to--”

  “Your ass in a seat, Lieutenant! You heard Maryanne. Unless we get Liv and Jack back to base, we’ll lose them both.”

  “So we’re just going to leave Luc back there to die.”

  I froze for a split second. Refocus, Catherine, refocus. Don’t think about that. Don’t think about it. Just fly. Get the people aboard your ship home. Just get them home. Home.

  There is no home if he’s not there.

  Kiros sighed. “He knew the risks, Connor, and he volunteered. No matter who it is, I won’t give up two lives for one. I’m sorry.”

  We’re leaving Luc behind. I can’t believe I’m letting this happen. God, the mission. Focus on the mission. I held my tears inside and flew the Iron Vipers away from Demar, where they had left their friend behind.

  I can’t let it end here.

  The dropship was almost silent for most of the trip back to the Vipers’ home base. Connor knocked himself out with a sedative from Maryanne and slept. Meanwhile, Maryanne worked with one of the others, I wasn’t sure who, to do what they could for Liv and Jack. Kiros and the rest of the team sat in silence throughout the flight.

  When we got back to base, most of the Vipers went to debrief. Meanwhile, I went back to their barrack and brewed coffee. I tried not to think about the fact that Lucian wouldn’t come back from debrief with them. It was hard, though--damned hard. I found myself sitting on his bed and looking at the pictures pinned up on his bulletin board. They were mostly of him with the Iron Vipers, or with Connor, or with Sabrina. There were a few of just the Vipers, too, including one of Connor and Maryanne at some bar far away. They looked so happy, it just made the hurt worse.

  I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Lucian...God...I can’t just leave you there with them. I can’t just leave you there to die. I don’t want to lose you again. God, I can’t lose you again. r />
  The doors to the barrack opened and the Iron Vipers, minus Liv, Jack, and Lucian, began to filter in. I stood up immediately and made a beeline for Connor, who looked like he’d been holding back tears all through his debriefing. Maryanne gently disengaged her hand from his and took half a step over as I came up and hugged my brother. Connor put his arms around me and just started to sob. I felt my own tears start to come as I just held him while he cried. I knew that the rest of the Vipers must have been looking at us funny. I don’t care if they are. We can explain once we’re both back in control. I swiped at my tears, rolling silently down my cheeks, as Connor and I held each other.

  He calmed down after a few minutes and Maryanne got us over to a bunk to sit down--hers, I was pretty certain. I went poured them each a cup of coffee, which I brought over to them, before going and getting a cup of my own. Kiros was frowning at me heavily. “Cat, will you please explain your sudden change in behavior? I’m getting a little worried here.”

  I smiled weakly. “I guess it was just something that was a long time in coming, Major.” I patted Connor’s knee as I sat down next to him. He glanced at me and smiled back at me, but only faintly. Neither of us had much to smile about. Maryanne had her arm around him and he was sort of hunched over, holding his coffee