Falling Stars Page 3

survival to affect me. If I did, if I allowed myself to think about it, I risked losing everything. The only “everything” I had was the knowledge that I had nothing to lose. I couldn’t allow myself to lose that mentality, because if I did, I lost my edge and that could--and very likely would--be deadly. It would have been different, had it just been my life at risk, but I was responsible for the transport of a squadron of commandos, and to place their lives at risk was unacceptable. I could not let other people pay the price for my own unfocused mind, which was why I couldn’t afford to have an unfocused mind.

  After I got out of the shower, I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top and crawled into bed, the room dark and the doors locked. I curled up with one of the few mementos that I had allowed myself to keep through all of those long years. The tattered and patched teddy bear had been a childhood gift from my family. Connor had picked it out, our parents had paid for it. One of the other things was neatly folded at the end of my bed--a tartan blanket that Connor and Lucian had given me a long time ago. If I’d been smart, I would have gotten rid of them a while ago. I guess my sentimentality got in the way.

  That first night, for the first time in five years, I cried myself to sleep.

  2

  The Iron Vipers’ barrack was quiet the next morning, and empty except for the two ‘brothers’ in the back corner, talking softly to each other. I kept a respectable distant and cleared my throat to get Lucian’s attention. He turned, then nodded at me. “Morning, Captain.”

  I nodded back. “Good morning to you both. Captain, don’t you have a briefing to get to? It’s almost 0600.”

  He nodded. “I do. Con and I were just talking, is all. We really appreciate what you’re doing.”

  I shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Who knows? Maybe the lieutenant will improve my bad attitude.” I tucked my hands into my pockets.

  Lucian laughed, then glanced toward Connor, who was smiling faintly. “Well, bro, looks like we’re leaving you in good hands. We’ll be back sooner rather than later.”

  Connor just nodded. “Sure thing, Luc. You guys be careful out there, all right?”

  “As always.” Lucian patted Connor on the shoulder and stood up. “Bye, Con.”

  Connor waved. “Bye, Luc. Good luck.”

  Lucian smiled, nodded, and left the barrack with a steady and confident smile. I waited until the door clicked shut behind him before looking back at Connor. He sat there, quietly, his hands in his lap. It was a long while before he broke the silence.

  “Are you who I think you are?”

  I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t even sure he’d heard my name.

  “You changed your last name, Cat.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to figure out why I felt so close to tears. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. Con, why didn’t you tell me you were alive?”

  My brother shook his head, shifting to lie back down on his bunk. “I wasn’t sure if you were alive, or what side you were on.” He felt around for his blanket and pulled it up. “So when did you change your name?”

  “When I switched sides and joined the Alliance. I brought most of a squadron with me when we found out that Earth was responsible for the bombing.” I tried to shove aside the pain of Gattica’s destruction as I again brought it to mind. “What about you and Luc? Brothers?” I bit my lip. “He didn’t recognize me, Connor. Why?”

  Connor was quiet for a long moment, then sighed. “It was after Gattica died. We hadn’t thought that either of us was hurt that bad--I had some broken ribs, he had a real nice gash on his head. Well, turns out he had a closed head injury. I just...I didn’t know what to do. First I lied so I could get in to see him while he was being treated and then when the relief workers that the Alliance sent finally got around to actually taking down lists of survivors, I just told them that Lucian and I were brothers so I wouldn’t lose track of him later. After he regained consciousness, we realized the head injury had killed his memory of just about everything. I haven’t told him who he really is or anything since then.”

  I shook my head, sitting down on the edge of his bunk. “How did you survive? I was told the entire city was completely wiped out.”

  “They lied. Five people survived.” Connor rubbed at his forehead. “Sabrina’s in school on Epsilon right now. Luc and I are supporting her. She’d been down in the root cellar and Luc and I had gone down to get her when everything went to shit. That’s how we survived.”

  Sabrina’s alive, too? The image of Luc’s smiling, blond-pigtailed little sister filled my mind’s eye. How old would she be now?

  He sat up again, his shoulders slumping slightly. “She’s nineteen now. Second year at the university in Zephyr.” It was as if Connor had read my mind. “Luc doesn’t even realize she’s his little sister.” He rubbed at the blindfold over his eyes. “Although, maybe with your help—”

  “I can’t,” I snapped. That was harsh. I shouldn’t have cut him off like that. I shouldn’t have done that. But I can’t do what he wants me to do.

  “Geez, Cat, why not? You loved each other. Don’t you want him back?” He sounded hurt by my response, the knee-jerk denial of my help in recovering Lucian’s memory.